Attention Friends and Family: Here’s How You Can Support a Loved One Through Their Divorce

People going through divorce often feel angry, confused, and alone. When someone you care about is going through a divorce, it’s natural to want to help. While your intentions are good, it’s important to understand how your words and actions can impact their journey.

Avoid Negative Comments About Their Spouse

It might feel protective to criticize your loved one’s spouse, but saying things like, “He’s really a jerk,” or “You need to fight hard,” often does more harm than good. Comments like these can fuel emotions that make compromise more difficult. Compromise is an important part of any divorce. Instead of providing reassurance, negative comments can deepen feelings of shame or embarrassment.

Be a Calming Presence

What your loved one truly needs is a calming presence. Encourage them to think clearly and seek the right support—legal, financial, and emotional—from professionals who can guide them through the process. Avoid being a part of a “Greek chorus,” where well-meaning friends and family offer dramatic and fear-based advice that can heighten tensions.

Be Mindful of Your Role

Even if you are helping financially, you should not dictate what your loved one should do. Divorce is already stressful, and added pressure from loved ones can make it even more challenging. Instead, focus on offering more constructive support.

How You Can Help

• Refer Them to Attorneys Focused on Amicable Outcomes: Suggest attorneys who focus on Collaborative Divorce, Mediation, or Negotiation, which can lead to less conflict.
• Provide Practical Help: Support them by giving them a break so they can have some time to themselves. Offer to babysit or take care of errands like chores or grocery shopping.
• Be a Listening Ear: Sometimes, the best support is just being there to listen over a quiet dinner.

Step Back When Needed

It might feel satisfying to encourage your loved one to be aggressive or to dwell on their anger, but that approach often leads to more conflict and higher legal fees. A true friend or family member offers empathy and helps to reduce the tension, rather than adding to it.

Contact Vacca Family Law Group

If your loved one is going through a divorce, they’re already facing a difficult time. If they seek your advice, offering constructive support is key. Encourage them to consult with an attorney focused on amicable, out-of-court solutions. Choosing a more combative attorney may result in unnecessary conflict, stress, and financial strain, and the emotional toll of a court battle is especially hard on families with children.

Your loved one’s choice of attorney sets the tone for how the rest of their divorce will unfold. That’s why it’s crucial that they find the right legal support. Vacca Family Law Group’s team of Collaborative Divorce Attorneys and Mediators can provide the support and expertise your loved one needs to navigate this challenging time with dignity and respect. Call us at (646) 502-8591 or contact us online to schedule your free introductory call.

Vacca Family Law Group is located at One Grand Central Place, 60 E. 42nd St., Suite 700, New York, NY 10165