Legal Agreements That Can Help Address Betrayal and Trust Issues in Your Marriage

Betrayal is one of the most common reasons for the breakdown of marriages and it can take many forms. Whether it’s financial betrayal, which might involve hidden bank accounts, unpaid taxes, or large, undisclosed expenditures, or physical betrayal, which could mean a 1-night stand or an ongoing secret relationship, the emotional toll is significant. Trust between the couple is broken and it can become more difficult to keep the marriage together.

If you are facing betrayal in your marriage, it is important to determine if the betrayal was a one-time lapse in judgment or a long-standing pattern of dishonesty. This distinction helps you decide whether rebuilding trust is possible, and the marriage can be given more time or if the marriage needs to end.

Rebuilding Trust with the Help of a Postnuptial Agreement:

Divorce is not always the solution to betrayal. It’s very common for clients to want to save the marriage but realize they need a written agreement to put new terms for their marriage into place.

For example, we represented a wife who struggled with alcoholism and a shopping addiction. Without her husband’s knowledge, she withdrew $200,000 from her IRA and spent it all. She also incurred large credit card debts. Rather than getting divorced, we worked with the husband’s attorney to help the couple craft a postnuptial agreement to address the financial betrayal. The wife agreed to enter rehab and attend AA meetings to work toward recovery. They then used a home equity line of credit (HELOC) to repay the debts. The wife agreed that, in the event of divorce, she would assume sole responsibility for the HELOC and repay her husband half of the IRA funds she had withdrawn.

This arrangement gave the husband financial security while offering the wife a path to redemption. Though the process was emotionally charged, both parties found a solution that balanced accountability with the opportunity for a fresh start.

When Financial Betrayal is Too Much to Overcome

Some clients come to us wanting to save the marriage with a postnuptial agreement, but additional information discovered during the process make it clear that the marriage needs to end.

One of our clients had a husband who owned his own business and earned over $1 million annually. Despite his high income, the wife discovered that he had not been paying their taxes and a lien had been placed on their home. The couple used the collaborative process to negotiate the terms of their agreement, however, during the process, the neutral financial professional discovered that the husband had forged the wife’s signature on tax returns and had taken out a line of credit in her name without her knowledge.

When this fraudulent behavior became known, our client decided to pursue a divorce, realizing that her trust could not be rebuilt. The couple stayed in the collaborative process, but the focus was now on ending the marriage with terms that were equitable given the fairly dire circumstances. This matter highlighted the importance of recognizing when betrayal crosses legal and ethical boundaries that make reconciliation impossible.

Creating Safeguards During the Divorce Process

If a postnuptial agreement is not the right path for you, and you have decided to pursue divorce instead, you can still keep your divorce out of court. However, clear boundaries and safeguards must be put in place. Here are some strategies:

• Financial Documentation: Require full disclosure of all financial records, including tax returns, bank statements, and investment portfolios. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Enlisting a financial professional, such as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or a Forensic Accountant will help determine whether your spouse has disclosed everything truthfully or whether there are hidden assets or debts.
• Interim Agreements: Look for opportunities to create interim agreements that can help you rebuild trust. If there was financial betrayal, a written agreement that sets spending limits or requires joint approval for large expenditures during the divorce process could be helpful. It may be difficult to set agreements to directly address past physical betrayal, but even interim agreements related to how you will pay for certain expenses during the divorce process could help to rebuild trust that allows you to tackle more emotionally charged issues later.
• Choose the Right Attorney and the Right Process: As soon as some traditional divorce attorneys hear that there has been betrayal in a marriage, they convince their client that a judge will be needed to oversee the divorce process, and they put the litigation wheels in motion. Before choosing an attorney for your matter, make sure they have discussed with you the pros and cons of a postnuptial agreement and have helped you consider whether the collaborative divorce process could work for you. You obviously need a process that provides you with the legal, financial, and emotional support that you need to feel safe, but you should also look for a process that allows you and your spouse to find creative solutions that meet the needs of your family and your particular situation. The collaborative divorce process can often meet both of those needs and is worth exploring before heading to court.

Finding a Path Forward After Betrayal

Facing betrayal in a marriage can feel overwhelming, and the emotional toll is undeniable. Whether it’s a financial betrayal or something more personal, it’s natural to feel hurt, confused, and uncertain about the future. However, it’s important to remember that there are various solutions that can help restore your sense of security and rebuild trust, even in the most challenging circumstances. With the right approach—whether through a postnuptial agreement or collaborative divorce—you can find a path forward that protects your interests while giving both parties the opportunity to heal and move forward.

Many families have found resolution and a new beginning through non-adversarial processes, and you can too. At Vacca Family Law Group, our experienced team is here to understand your situation and help you make informed decisions that protect your interests. Contact us online or call (646) 502-8591 to schedule your free introductory call.

Vacca Family Law Group is located at One Grand Central Place, 60 E. 42nd St., Suite 700, New York, NY 10165.