Divorce and the Sandwich Generation: Balancing Family Caregiving and Divorce Stress

If you’re part of the “sandwich” generation—adults caught between commitments to children as well as parents—the responsibilities can feel endless and overwhelming. These pressures can also fuel conflicts between you and your spouse. We often see these conflicts lead to divorce when they are not effectively handled, which only stretches your time, finances, and emotions further. You may feel pulled in multiple directions, trying to physically, financially, and emotionally support your loved ones while still needing to juggle all the demands that come with divorce.

If you’re facing divorce while sandwiched between the needs of your kids and your parents, here are some tips to help you understand the unique stresses you will be facing and ways that you can manage this transition with less strain on you and your family.

Balance Your Responsibilities with Self-Care

Caring for children is already a full-time responsibility, but adding aging parents into the mix can significantly increase the demands on your time and resources.

Divorce will often magnify the challenges as you find ways to share your children’s caregiving duties with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse, reallocate finances to cover new and existing financial responsibilities, find the time needed to take care of everyone who depends on you, and still show up and be productive at work. It’s easy to put yourself last when you have so many people vying for your time and attention. But remember, unless you are taking care of yourself by getting the rest, physical activity, and emotional support you need, you won’t have the energy to care for others.

Manage the Financial Stressors

With divorce comes financial strain, and for the sandwich generation, the strain can be compounded. In addition to now being solely responsible for supporting your own home, you will be legally obligated to contribute toward your children’s expenses while also feeling morally obligated to contribute time or money to your parents’ care. These financial pressures can lead to feelings of guilt that you’re not doing enough or resentment about how many burdens are on you.

It is important to take a hard look at your financial obligations and be honest with yourself and others about what they can expect from you at this time. Seeking support from other family members to help with your parents can help lighten the financial load.

Find Creative Divorce Solutions

Courts typically don’t address caregiving for aging parents during divorce proceedings. However, keeping your divorce out of court can allow for more flexible and creative solutions. Collaborative Divorce or Mediation encourages open communication and problem-solving to create agreements that work for everyone involved.

For instance, you can work out parenting schedules that accommodate caregiving duties or divide financial responsibilities in a way that considers both your children’s and parents’ needs. Setting boundaries with your parents can also become easier post-divorce, as you may need to refocus your time and resources on your new family structure.

Get the Divorce Support You Need While Balancing Caregiving Responsibilities

Divorce can feel especially challenging when you’re already navigating the delicate balance of caring for both children and aging parents. With the right approach, however, you can work through these pressures and create a path forward that allows you to prioritize your well-being, preserve family relationships, and manage financial responsibilities.

At Vacca Family Law Group, we help clients facing complex, multi-faceted challenges like those of the sandwich generation. Our team of experienced collaborative attorneys and mediators can help guide you toward creative, non-adversarial solutions that take your caregiving needs into account while helping you achieve a peaceful and fair divorce. Call us today at (646) 502-8591 or contact us online to schedule your free introductory call.

Vacca Family Law Group is located at One Grand Central Place, 60 E. 42nd St., Suite 700, New York, NY 10165.