Positive Psychology in Divorce – Part 2: Focusing on Your Strengths

Rather than focusing on a person’s weaknesses and trying to “fix” them, Positive Psychology focuses on how a person’s strengths can be used as a buffer against difficulties in life and as a way to create positive well-being. Strengths are the innate ways that we behave, think, and feel. They give us energy and allow us to function at our best. Strengths also help us show up as our authentic selves.

During a divorce, one of the most important things to do for yourself is to identify and focus on your strengths to not only get you through the process but help you thrive on the other side of your marriage. By recognizing and leveraging your personal strengths, as well as any strengths that you and your spouse may still have together, you can build a more positive and resilient outlook during this transition.

Here are 3 tips to help you focus on and use your strengths during your divorce.

1. Identify and Leverage Your Individual Strengths

Positive Psychology emphasizes that when you focus on what you do well, you tend to be happier, less stressed, and more confident. This can lead to a more satisfying and energized life.

You can start by identifying your personal strengths using tools like the VIA Character Strengths Assessment. This free assessment helps you identify your top strengths, including hope, love, empathy, and perseverance, among many others. Once you know your strengths, Positive Psychology allows you to view them in a different light and apply them to new challenges in your life to help you through the divorce process.

For example, if one of your top strengths is hope, you can draw on this to maintain a positive outlook on the future. If one of your top strengths is love, you might find ways to ensure that your interactions, even during a divorce, are compassionate and respectful. Using your strengths to guide your actions can help you feel more empowered and capable during this challenging time.

2. Identify Strengths That You May Still Exhibit as a Couple

In addition to your individual strengths, it’s helpful to identify strengths you and your soon-to-be-ex have together. Even as your marriage is ending, there are likely areas where you and your partner have succeeded, if not excelled. Reflect on what you have done well together and how these strengths have benefited your relationship. Identifying these areas can provide a solid foundation for handling more difficult decisions ahead.

Consider a couple who communicates well about their children but struggles when discussing financial issues. By building on the strengths, they exhibit when talking about their children, they can approach financial discussions with more confidence and cooperation. This shifts the focus from weaknesses to strengths and can transform difficult conversations into more constructive and less stressful ones.

3. Build on Your Strengths

When you build on your strengths, you not only improve your own well-being, but also create a better platform for making important decisions. This allows you to develop faster and more effectively, as you’re doing something that aligns with who you are.

Let’s say that one of your strengths is gratitude. You can build on that strength during the divorce by building a habit of writing down three things each day that went well or that you simply felt grateful for.

You could also build on that strength by paying attention to those moments of feeling grateful during your day. Did someone hold a door open for you? Did your kid empty the dishwasher without being asked?

By building your gratitude muscle (or any other strength you may have) on a daily basis, it’s easier to tap into that strength when faced with a difficult situation. For example, if you’re in a mediation session and feeling particularly frustrated by something your spouse just said, you could tap into your strength of gratitude and think about the fact that as difficult as the mediation process can be at times, you’re grateful for the fact that the two of you have been able to leave the arguments for the mediation room and be respectful of each other in the presence of your kids.

Find Your Strengths with Vacca Family Law Group

At Vacca Family Law Group, we believe in helping you find and leverage your strengths during the divorce process. When you focus on what you do well, you can move through this challenging time with greater ease and positivity.

If you’re facing a divorce and want support to build on your strengths, contact Vacca Family Law Group. Our team of Collaborative Divorce Attorneys and Mediators is here to guide you through every step of the way with compassion and expertise. Call us at (646) 798-4603 or contact us online to schedule your free introductory call.

Vacca Family Law Group is located at One Grand Central Place, 60 E. 42nd St., Suite 700, New York, NY 10165.

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